“The Christian is not a good man. He is a vile wretch who has been saved by the grace of God.” – Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones
This morning, lies and scenes of myself being shunned and shamed flashed in my head and I felt that part of my throat and chest begin to tighten while my heart began to weaken.
I’m not perfect enough.
I’ve made so many mistakes.
If they knew the full story… MY full story, they’d be disgusted of me.
If I see _____ ever again, they’ll see me as they called me: screwed up.
I’m not new to spiritual attacks, and I’m not new to combatting them either. In the fall, they just about took my life because I didn’t know that I was worth defending, and while I cognitively knew about the armor of God, I didn’t have it on.
Heck, I didn’t even know how to put it on.
As the Lord gifted me with older-and-wiser spiritual leaders to build relationships with (aka personal pastors and dear, dear friends), and as I spent more and more time throughout my day with God and in His Word, Satan attacked me all the more.
But the anxiety and the pain weakened.
The darkness was less.. dark.
And the amount of time it took for me to experience the truth and the peace of Jesus’ grace and adoration for me? Compared to the hours and days it used to take, now it’s like the snap of a finger.
His truth surrounds me.
His grace covers me.
It’s not just out there for others to have, it’s inside me.
The more I read the Bible, the more I realized who I was.
My name is Beloved. My name is Forgiven. My name is Chosen. My name is Daughter. My name is Belonging. My name is Spoken For. My name is Rejoiced Over. My name is Disciple. My name is Healed.
With all the flying-and-flaming arrows that Satan throws, we need to be ready. We need to be armed. And I will tell you that when you deflect those arrows with the armor of God, you will experience transformation of the heart, mind, body, and soul. You will realize that you don’t have to talk yourself out of the pain and try to self-convince your worth because your worth, value, and name is already declared over you by the God of the entire universe. No human, no lie, no petty, pathetic serpent named Satan can rob that or change that.
This is life-changing truth, that I, a vile wretch, am saved by His grace.
As you may know from previous posts, I’m a perfectionist and people pleaser. I grew up in the spotlight as a pastor’s kid and a teacher’s kid. That spotlight grew even more, ironically, when my dad suddenly died and we became the “comeback, inspirational, experienced-tragedy-but-still-loves-Jesus family.”
I felt that I was expected to be perfect and uphold the standard of a “good Christian girl” with a clean past and steady present and safe future. Which I didn’t have.
That’s a lot of pressure and load of crap, to be honest.
Because perfection is not expected of us by our Creator. Perfection can’t be achieved ever, by us. Period.
But Jesus.
Jesus did live perfectly. He did so on our behalf and because He is God.
So friend, if you are stressed with keeping up a perfect image, if you have a messy past or present or future, if you fear other’s opinions of you, if you feel like a failure…
God’s arms are freedom.
Run to them. And if you’re too weak, just fall.
He will catch you and He will not let you go. He will tell you in your ear exactly who you are, Beloved one.
xo,
RB, a vile wretched saved by the grace of God
“So we can say with confidence, “The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Hebrews 13:6 (NLT)
“The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Psalm 118:6 (NLT)
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1 (NIV)
12 Verses To Remind You of Who You Are in Christ
ἀγάπη 